My first Bachelor blog post: let’s begin our journey…

20 Jan

A disclaimer right from the start: since I fast-forward through all boring parts of the show, I’m probably not qualified to write a blog about The Bachelor.

But there are things that need to be said. Or as Ashley Hebert once put it, “There’s something I have to gat off my chast.”

On to my observations:

– If you’re standing near a 300-foot crater and need to take off your pants, you shouldn’t try to step out of them 16 inches from the ledge the way Ben and Jennifer did.

– The 300-foot drop looked like it was really about 20.

– Much as masked man Jeff had his own “creepy” accompanying music on the Bachelorette, Courtney now has her very own “bitch” leitmotif.

– Speaking of Courtney, I’m not sure if Emily described her as doe-eyed or dew-eyed, but either one is funny.

– Anytime a large group gets together to chat on this show, they sit in a half-circle, shoulder touching shoulder, so that one camera can show everyone. I can’t believe I just noticed it now, and didn’t notice it on the Bachelorette — even two straight guys sitting shoulder to shoulder is borderline unheard-of in world history… how did they get 15 dudes to do it?

– Mark Cuban obviously had some sort of facelift, and it looks terrible (this is in reference to the “Shark Tank” commercial).

And now it’s time to handicap the candidates for the rest of the season, complete with odds, from least to most likely to win:

Elyse — 1,000:1

I have yet to meet, speak to, or hear about anyone who finds female bodybuilders attractive. Elyse the personal trainer is so ripped she is just one step from being a bodybuilder. ‘Nuff said.

Blakely — 500:1

I don’t see the “34” year old beating out the competition here.

Rachel — 100:1

Kind of impressive, very womanly, but I can’t see a guy who proposed to Ashley H. being interested in someone so different.   Ben more or less said he wasn’t feelin’ it during the show.

Casey S. — 30:1

Wow, was I wrong about Casey. Only about one sentence per show was heard from her early on, and I had the gorgeous Midwesterner pegged as a bit shy, in a cute way. Wrong: she’s a bitch. But since Ben seems a bit slow about these things, I’m reluctant to count her out completely.

Jamie — 25:1

The plucky nurse was my pick to win after the first show, but I must have forgotten that Ben is the one making the choice, not me. She seems to have the best personality in the house but Ben is leaning more toward the bombshells thus far.

Jennifer — 20:1

Nice girl-next-door or psycho? I could see her going either way before all is said and done. I tend more toward nice.

Emily — 15:1

Very cute and has the most personality of anyone but Jamie… but again I am not the Bachelor. She is being psyched out by Courtney and should just start ignoring the malicious model, but that’s easier said than done.

Nicki 7:1

Dark horse alert for this DFW sweetie. She could definitely crash the top 3 and is getting juuuust enough camera time to make me think she might.

Lindzi 5:1

Her outdoorsy charm is admittedly lost on me, but not on Ben. He has probably never seen her name written out and thus does not hold that absurd spelling against her.

Courtney 3:1

Let me go against the conventional wisdom that Courtney has no redeeming qualities besides beauty. I disagree: Courtney has no redeeming qualities. By which I mean: she’s not cute! Who is giving this woman modeling work? Ben would apparently disagree.

Kacie B — 3:2

Kacie is a lock to at least make the hometown visits, and I would give her about a 95% chance to make the final two. Not because she’s the cutest girl on the show (though she is) but because of the suspiciously high amount of screen time she gets. After watching the show for two hours it’s weird to have something happen in life and not get Kacie’s adorable reaction. What, Joe Paterno died? What’s Kacie’s take on it? This may get much less adorable after a couple more shows’ worth.

That’s all I have for tonight. As last season’s player/douchebag Bentley so famously said, dot dot dot …

 

 

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2 Responses to “My first Bachelor blog post: let’s begin our journey…”

  1. Mr WordPress January 20, 2012 at 2:55 am #

    Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

  2. bbachelorblog January 25, 2012 at 3:30 am #

    I think I get much more entertainment from your blog than the actual show. Can’t wait for next week xoxo

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