We hardly knew ye… a look at the Bachelor rejects so far

26 Jan

I thought a quick recap of the departed contestants would be in order.

Amber B.: The Canadian nurse didn’t make it past the first show. To put it in terms a Canadian would understand, not getting a rose is tantamount to Ben saying “take off eh.”

Amber T.: She was the one from rural Nebraska who mentioned sheep balls as a delicacy more than once. Maybe it was some other kind of balls, but … no man wants his mouth near the balls of any living being. No surprise she was out at the first rose ceremony.

Anna: A beautiful blonde Canadian whose gimmick was that she sassily walked past Ben when she got out of the limo and didn’t talk to him. This might have worked to great effect if they were both in a bar, with Ben facing a dull night of sports talk with the same old buddies until he saw her sashay past and was intrigued by how hard to get she was. Unfortunately, this is the Bachelor where 24 other equally beautiful women were throwing themselves at Ben. Low hanging fruit won out and she was ousted on the first show.

Brittney: She’s the one whose grandma accompanied her onto the first show. She (Brittney, not her grandma)  subsequently decided she just wasn’t attracted to Ben and left the show … why take away face time from a girl who is really feeling it? In the real world this would be admirable behavior, though in the Bachelor world it was spun as some kind of major character flaw.

Dianna: I don’t really remember this first-show oustee, but I am turned off by her claim that she has “started five kitchen fires on accident.” I’m not bothered by the fires, but by the fact that she says “on accident.” I doubt even the two Canadians would stoop that low.

Erika: She has a tattoo inside her mouth! Gross.

Holly: I don’t remember her but she says her worst date ever was with “an absolute geek that had on 80’s clothes in 1997.” Now that it didn’t work out with Ben, perhaps that gent is still available for a cozy night watching Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo? No doubt he has a Betamax player, so no problem there.

Jaclyn: Not cute and a BIG-time crier. So much so that her exit was never shown on-screen, she just ran off to the bathroom to cry. It’s only Ben, lady.

Jenna: The incredibly awkward blogger. Every exchange between her and Ben was painful. The only thing worse than saying things that make you cringe later is doing it with half the nation watching. Most of America probably identifies with her to some degree.

Lyndsie: The unusual-looking Brit. I think I could take the cleft chin and the accent, but the gal seemed to intent on telling the world how funny and personable she was, which is very annoying. No big shock that she got the boot.

Monica: Seemed more interested in hitting on the other girls than on Ben — who would have thought she’d be the first limo crier of the season when she was ousted this Monday? It makes me understand limo crying better… maybe it’s more about being called the worst out of 12 people than any kind of romantic deal. I certainly wouldn’t want to be the worst of a group of 12 at anything, no matter how irrelevant the category.

Samantha: Cute until she started talking. I had her pegged as the Southern girl who goes to college with the plan to get her MRS degree at any cost… but now I see she’s from Pittsburgh, and 26.

Shira: Absolutely don’t remember her but props for having (almost) the same name as Hawkgirl.

Shawn: The single mother who’s a financial advisor.  Sort of relieved she didn’t make it to avoid the 10,000 mentions of her single motherhood that would have resulted.

Now we come to the big question: are there any potential future Bachelor Pad contestants in this group? I would tend to say only Monica would make the cut — dishing out zingers and hitting on other girls would make for good TV. Though watching the Bachelor and looking ahead to Bachelor Pad would be like watching the Super Bowl and wishing you were watching the Pro Bowl.

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