15 Feb

Observations from Belize week:

– A cool Mayan temple is pretty much wasted on Ben and Courtney, and only served to remind me of a much better season of a much better show, namely Survivor: Guatemala which also took place near Mayan ruins. Strangely, when I’ve seen rankings of the seasons nobody seems to have Guatemala near the top the way I do… but let’s get back to Bachelor.

– I realize now why people who have daughters are in a perpetual state of worry. Will she do something really stupid like jump in the water with sharks or put a tarantula on her arm just because some guy who she may not even like tells her to? Apparently the answer is yes.

– Rachel’s reluctance to jump in the water with sharks shows that she is too intelligent to be with Ben. The only thing that prevents me from developing a very slight crush on her is that I, and America, just saw her shave her armpits.

– If I were forced at gunpoint to either put a tarantula on my skin or swim with some sharks, into the water I would go.

– In real life, if I were wandering the back alleys of a third world country with a blonde on my arm, and saw a few really big guys playing a basketball game, I would not approach them and ask to join in. Intelligence.

– The show would have you believe that lobster fishermen in Belize will take you out on a fishing trip at the drop of a hat, and out of the goodness of their hearts. According to Emily this was an example of Ben’s spontaneity. But somehow the spontaneity must have extended to a second fisherman, since a camera crew was able to head out parallel to Ben and Emily’s boat.

– As annoying as Courtney is, I am getting curious to see what her family is like next week. Snap! (I threw that in since it’s her catchphrase, I do not know what it means though).

– In the Bachelor world, Courtney’s comment “Ben is not the only man in the world”  is considered the height of blasphemy. Though in the real world it’s both good advice and an indisputable fact. If it weren’t, they wouldn’t be filming a new season of The Bachelorette as we speak, as there would be no contestants. Got that, Emily?

The eliminations of Emily and Rachel were right in line with my previously posted odds, so they need not be discussed further here. But it is time to take a more serious look at a topic only touched on previously: namely, which contestants are most likely to be cast on the next season of Bachelor Pad? Here they are in order of likelihood:

#1: Courtney. Viewers hate her, the producers obviously consider her to be gold. In fact, I think they would cast her in every season going forward if they could (a-la Survivor and Russel Hantz). I would say it’s a lock unless God forbid she’s the winner of the present show.

#2: Monica. She has big boobs, she’s blunt, and if she’s bored she hits on girls. Hmm, too bad she’s too old to be on The Real World, that would have been her true reality show calling.

#3: Emily. Her ability to contribute zingers and look good doing it give her perhaps a 50% shot… however if Courtney is cast, the chances increase to 100%.

#4: Blakeley: Not afraid to sex it up, as we’ve seen, and the Bachelor producers always seem to like to throw in someone well into her thirties so the younger girls have something to make snide remarks about.

Hometowns are next week… snap!




One Response to “Snap!”

  1. amoorshead February 16, 2012 at 3:39 am #

    I great blog inspires revisiting of one of the greatest raps of the 80’s.

    Pay close attention to the 4:16 minute mark.

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