Survivor premiere follow-ups

16 Feb

Some Survivor premiere followups….

From the Dalton Ross recap on

“Regardless, the challenge is over, unless Probst can somehow convince the men to do the dumbest thing in the history of Survivor and continue on under the threat of possibly losing their immunity, but seeing as how the tribe is not made up of Erik Reichenbach, James Clement, J.T. Thomas, Tyson Apostol, John Cochran, and Brandon Hantz, that’s not going to happen.”

Hilarious, and how impressive to see all of the biggest Survivor dumbasses mentioned in one place. What a trip down memory lane. In my recent ranking of previous seasons I addressed the demises of Erik and James as being the most memorable moments of those respective seasons.

I also touched on Tyson’s ouster, though I can’t recall all of the intricate details of what led up to it. This clip didn’t refresh my memory about the exact numbers but it was still the most incredible Tribal Council moment ever. I had forgotten about Tyson’s final words “I’m still pretty awesome.” A pretty good character and yet look who else is on hand: Boston Rob (greatest player of all time), two other winners in Parvati and Sandra, a guy who should have won at least once in Russell, Coach who should have won last season, plus Danielle and Courtney, not great players but at least very quotable players… and that was just the Villains tribe! Great season.

But back to the idiot recap: J.T. (also in Heroes vs. Villains) wrote Russell a note offering him his immunity idol, thinking Russell a good guy who was on the outs in his tribe (in reality he was neither). Nerd Cochran (South Pacific) betrayed his own tribe out of the desire to make a “big move” in the game, even though doing so went against all good sense. I don’t recall one particular blunder by Brandon, but on every show he threw all common sense to the wind because he was so overcome by guilt about some nonsense or other.

I also thought some quotes from the contestant bios were worthy of discussion.

Chelsea: ”I haven’t seen any country girls who have a strong redneck side that are strong competitors.” Err, there have been several. Jane from Nicaragua comes to mind… Jane could have been cast in Deliverance for gosh sakes.

Colton: Considers himself ”a mix of Queen Parvati, Corinne, and JT.” Hmm, so a combination of flirt, bitch, and likable country guy who’s sometimes smart, sometimes dumb? Weird. But so is Colton.

Christina: Her bio makes her sound like an Asian version of Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation. Her pet peeve is “When people have poor follow-up skills.” As for the Survivor contestant she is most like, she mentions Kristina from Redemption Island (the super-aggressive older brunette who tried to outsmart Boston Rob and failed utterly) and Francesca (the buzz-cut, very smart and quotable  black girl from the same season). Err, weren’t those the first two people voted out that season? That might say it all about Christina right there.

Jonas: Says he is most like Fabio (the winner of Survivor Nicaragua) “I’m perceived as being very care free on the outside, but on the inside I’m an intense competitor.” Man, your bio has like 200 words in it and none of them are “man” or “dude,” dude! Therefore you are not like Fabio. The DEA is probably getting a warrant for Jonas’ house just in case.

Kim: Says she is most like “Stephenie LaGrossa from Palau, because she’s a badass (total honey badger). Also, Elisabeth Hasselbeck because she was friendly but competitive and Amanda because she is tall.” Hmm, I do see some Amanda in her and also some Parvati. I kinda have a crush on Kim… for now.

Leif: I would have thought he’d compare himself to Wee Man from Jackass or Puck from Alpha Flight, but he too picks Fabio.

DEA, you have your work cut out for you.




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