The girls are all-in, Ben’s not. Plus: How To Creep Out A Guy in 10 Seconds.

20 Feb

I’m not sure I can type because I’m in such suspense about the mystery visitor Ben will get next week! Just kidding, the chances are about one to a googolplex that it is anybody but Ashley, and any doubt was removed by seeing those spindly legs on the preview. Gosh, I hope she announces that she has dumped J.P., who is so annoying.

On to this Monday’s show, the eagerly awaited “hometowns” show. Hmm, why are all of these parents so skeptical just because their daughters are proclaiming Ben the love of their lives after one date? Yes, I looked it up: Kacie B. was the only one of the four to have two one-on-one dates, the others only had one date each.

We begin with Lindzi Cox, whose name is just that second X away from being in pornstar territory (or third X). Hmm, her horse farm is in Florida, how unusual. Maybe not really, but I associate Florida with two groups: Crockett and Tubbs and old Jewish men. Neither group is particularly easy to envision on horseback. I could not envision Edward James Olmos or Dan Marino on horseback either.

Lindzi is a nice person. Not a particularly good listener though, since it seems she never knew where her parents had gotten married and is shocked when they say it was at City Hall in San Francisco. Perhaps that never came up in 27 years of conversations. She loves Ben, but it’s not mutual. Ben’s go-to line for the chicks he isn’t that into is: “There are moments when I could see myself loving this woman.” He uses a variation on that here.

Then we come to Kacie Boguskie. Yes, I said Boguskie — that name was spoken on air for the first time this week. Hmm, if it’s between Ms. Boguskie, Ms. Cox or Ms. Shteamer (see an earlier post) I guess Boguskie doesn’t sound so bad. Back on January 20th,  I wrote, “Kacie is a lock to at least make the hometown visits, and I would give her about a 95% chance to make the final two.” What a naive fool I was back on January 20th! At least I was right about the hometowns.

I’m not sure what went wrong exactly (and neither is she), but when her father asked Ben what he likes about her he wasn’t really able to come up with anything! Did he really say “She communicates well, blah blah blah?” I did not see that coming, but I knew right there that either she or Lindzi would be going home. A bad situation because Kacie loves Ben.

Nicki is still around believe it or not, and thank goodness for that because I was dreading having to see her cry. When that comes, it will be the most heartbreaking cry of the season, I triple guarantee you. A corny date at the Fort Worth Stockyards is followed by the nicest of the family visits. As for Ben getting serious with her, “Why wouldn‘t he want that,” she says. Why indeed. Ben seemed less glib on this visit than the others, and hard to read — is that because he has the least feelings for her or the most?

Her last name didn’t come up, but my curiosity drove me to look it up just now: Nicki Sterling. Slight pornstar potential there, but she is such a sweetheart that I will ignore that. As is the case with the previous two, she is nuts about Ben.

On to the date with Courtney. Much like Ashley did with William the cellphone salesman on the Bachelorette, Courtney decides doing a fake marriage ceremony complete with rings would be a good idea. Very creepy, and even Ben who has the hots for Courtney in a big way is nonplused by the turn of events. I have to say this whole thing gave me insight into Courtney, though. Maybe she really isn’t a bad person but just a 12 year old, or even 10 year old, emotionally. Sigmund Freud, get the heck down to Arizona and bring Carl Jung with ya!

I had been fairly curious to see what Courtney’s parents were like. Her mom slips into borderline baby voice at times, so now we know where Courtney got her own baby voice. Wow, two baby-voiced women, one of whom is a model who needs Freud to make a house call, plus a sister who can’t listen to a secret without blabbing it out five minutes later. Dad must be going insane sharing a house with these three women. Apparently he deals with it by making signs that say “Casa De Robertson” and similarly twee things.

I suppose Courtney has to be the favorite to win now. I just don’t see the chemistry with Lindzi, and although Nicki seems to be making such a strong push at the end, I saw too little before this week to really buy it.

To the Rose Ceremony at… the Beverly Wilshire hotel! Why was the Bachelor mansion booked, I wonder? Anyway, Kacie B did not get a rose. I legitimately think she was shocked, too. In the limo she said “What the f— happened?”

Sweetheart, better to be Miss Boguskie than Mrs. Bogus.








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