Survivor One World Episode 2: “Hold Me!”

22 Feb

Recycled challenges are not always a bad thing. This episode, the producers reused a challenge that forces both teams to balance on a long pole, and requires the person on the end to squeeze past all of the others until everyone is off the pole. There is built-in comedy here, at least with guys, because no man ever touches another man if he can avoid it, and in this challenge it’s unavoidable. Also, many funny quotes result such as Colton repeatedly shouting “Hold me!” Monica was the MVP of the girls’ tribe (not saying much because they were blown out) but perhaps overreacted a bit with her postgame assessment “I’m sad for women.”

Colton spent the entire show looking like one of the dumbest and worst players in the history of the show, but at least showed a glimmer of strategy when he conferred with his alliance-mates Troyzan, Jonas, and Leif. Still, he has made everyone in both tribes dislike or distrust him within just a couple of days, quite a feat. Declaring yourself an outsider before anyone else has had a chance to do so never works. When he gets voted out, he will probably spin it as nobody accepting his being gay. Guess what, idiot, some gay guys have done really well on this show, and a couple have won, in fact I just named one of them the 5th-best player of all time. Consider this: Richard Hatch whipped off his pants before half of the challenges and competed with his wiener flopping around, and even he related to everyone way better than Colton does!

Also, I tend to think that Colton came up with a repertoire of “killer” lines before coming on the show, and he’s just waiting for chances to work all of them in, to maximize screen time.

Colton should have gone on Big Brother, not Survivor. I could definitely see him saying “Who wants to see my HOH rooooom?”

Let’s briefly review the rest of the cast.

Nina (voted out): The older, super-outspoken type never wins, and I notice that police officers never do well on the show even though there is one in the cast almost every season. My analysis is that they are so used to having authority by virtue of their position that they are  ill-prepared to succeed in a more democratic setting.

Alicia: All talk and too outspoken. No chance to win.

Chelsea: Smart, seems athletic and knows not to have too high of a profile. One Survivor given is that if a female contestant has spectacular boobs, they will be on camera at every opportunity, Ashlee from Survivor Palau being exhibit A. Or rather Exhibit T. Anyway, Chelsea will continue to be on screen a lot.

Christina: The other women say she’s not playing the game, but we haven’t seen why. I always seem to like the Asian women who go on this show, yet they never seem to get far.

Kat: Dumb, but probably no more so than any 22-year-old.

Kim: The bridal shop owner is tight with Chelsea, and I could see these two taking that alliance all the way to the final 4 or 5, if not further. As mentioned previously, no doubt Kim’s experience dealing with bridezillas is the reason she’s handling the difficult personalities here. Or maybe I just have a crush on her. Or both.

Monica: Her profession is given as ex-NFL player’s wife, and that player is … Brad Culpepper? I remember him as a defensive lineman for the Vikings and Buccaneers. Monica is certainly athletic too, and seems to know what she’s doing.

Sabrina: Had the “leader” role thrust upon her, which can be the kiss of death, but the high school teacher handled it well.

In all, it seems that the women, though a weaker team, have some of the best individual players. But maybe we just know them better since they get most of the camera time.

I would break down the guys but… other than Colton none of them are on screen long enough to form an impression. Maybe next week?

Show highlight: The immunity challenge

Early favorites: Sabrina, Kim, Chelsea, Monica, Michael

No-chance list: Colton, Alicia.

I’m sad for women.

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