The Bachelor: Ben’s wang goes 3 for 3

27 Feb

Well, I smugly posted last time that it was incredibly obvious that Ben’s surprise visitor would be Ashley. Oops, it was Kacie.

But we did see Ashley as she joined her predecessor Ali for an interlude in which they told Emily Maynard and her big forehead what to expect as the next Bachelorette. Then the three did what girls do to bond, which is to get in a shameless plug for the release of Titanic in 3-D. At least they got to see a certified hit — I can remember the Survivor: Nicaragua movie night where the featured entertainment was Gulliver’s Travels . The Jack Black version.

This is as good a time as any to note that I love Ali and can’t stand Emily. At first I thought I just won’t be able to watch Emily’s season. Now I’m thinking that maybe if I fast forward every time she mentions Ricky (the little girl or the dead boyfriend) I can get through it.

I will give Emily this: when Brad offered her the opportunity to hit the Fantasy Suite she politely demurred. And of course this episode was all about seeing who would use the key and who wouldn’t. Obviously Courtney was a lock to say yes, and my pre-show prediction was that Lindzi would say yes and Nikki would say no (this is before I noticed Nikki’s tramp-stamp tattoo mind you). Well, Ben went three for three.

The dates were all very boring (for us, not Ben, wink wink) with only the Swiss setting providing some entertainment. However, I was amused to see Ben get into an empty plane, walk through an airport without passing everyone, and be the only person in every train car he was in. In Europe! If Europe were really that sparsely populated, I would be living there now. Trust me, it’s not.

You know, to succeed in a relationship you need to have many qualities. You need to be able to cut it short if need be, but also to hold your lover under a magnifying glass. Sort of like the many tools in a Swiss army knife. Moving on from that lame analogy (though no lamer than the ones that made the show), let’s talk about Kacie. She needed answers after the fact on why Ben broke up with her, so she sought him out to get those answers. I think everyone has tried to have this conversation at some point. It has no chance of going well, does not bring the desired closure, and is sure to leave you feeling worse than before you had that talk. Poor Kacie, she is only 22 and doesn’t know these things.

Ben went on record saying “I see myself with her for the rest of my life” (talking about Lindzi now). But I have to say I don’t see the chemistry. So I will go on record as predicting pigeon-toed Courtney will beat her out.

But the girls who I was cheering for are now all gone. So from here on out, I am neutral. Just like you-know-what country.

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