Grading the casting director for Survivor: One World

12 May

On the eve of the season finale I thought it was time to grade this season’s cast, strictly on entertainment value.

Since this was pretty much a dud of a season, I thought I’d be handing out lower grades. That just goes to show that “characters” are only part of it, you need at least a few good players too.

Alicia: Self-described “ghetto Puerto Rican” whose flabby thighs somehow remained flabby after 30 days without food. So mean-spirited it’s stunning that she’s a Special Ed teacher. Not a good player, but anytime a player describes herself as a mastermind when she’s so obviously not, that provides a fair measure of entertainment. B

Bill: Easygoing black standup comic. Was on the outs with his tribe for no good reason and might have provided some entertainment if he hadn’t left so early. B.

Chelsea: Southern “country girl.” Early in the season was notable mostly for the constant closeups of her boobs, which were “revealed” to be fake at one point. Later, more notable for her conscience-wracked facial expressions. B+

Christina: Described herself as a “funny, goofy, and cute Asian girl” who “likes to take the lead and stands up for herself.” Absolutely none of that turned out to be true except for “Asian girl”. OK, I’ll give her “cute” too, but she’s possibly the worst player ever to play the game, mostly because she never really even played the game. F-minus.

Colton: Ultra-obnoxious, unathletic gay Alabaman from a rich family who is always good for a carefully pre-rehearsed one-liner. One of the biggest jerks in the history of the show, but I grudgingly admit that having a hissable villain around makes things interesting. A-minus.

Greg aka Tarzan: Plastic surgeon/buffoon who knows big words but misuses all of them. Annoyed the women more than once doing things that involve underwear. All of that would have been entertaining if he had actually played the game, but he didn’t. D.

Jay: Male model from South Carolina who didn’t wake up from his stupor until the day he was voted out, and possibly not even then. D.

Jonas: Sushi chef who had some interesting strategic asides to the camera but failed to try putting a single one into practice. Perhaps best remembered for his stated willingness to be “Colton’s bitch”. D

Kat: Blond 22-year-old who uses being 22 as an excuse for acting 14. Uncouth and dense. Most memorable moment was saying at tribal council that blindsides were exciting and fun, then crying when it happened to her. B-.

Kim: Bridal shop owner who, while not particularly entertaining,  was the best player of the season. A-

Kourtney: Cliche Austin resident who was voted out on the first episode after she couldn’t stop talking about what an outsider she was. D.

Leif: Dwarf who alas was not blessed with brains either, and didn’t even really try to play the game. F.

Matt: Would-be alpha-male douchebag who probably would have turned into a pretty good villain if he had stuck around. B+.

Mike: Tall square-jawed type who talked annoyingly fast. Never got much going in the game, and was one of the most forgettable players of the season. C-.

Monica: Hard-charging wife of former NFL defensive lineman Brad Culpepper. Athletic as heck for a 41-year-old and was probably one of the best players of the season. A-.

Nina: 51-year-old former cop who lasted two episodes. Even now I don’t remember anything about her. D.

Sabrina: Black high school teacher who made a big impact early on but became the third wheel in the alliance with Kim and Chelsea. Not memorable. C.

Troy aka Troyzan:  Mutated into an action hero-like warrior when he no longer had any allies, but before that failed to do any of the moves that would have put him in a better position in the game, and was bamboozled by Kim. B+

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

One Response to “Grading the casting director for Survivor: One World”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. “We’re gonna cause chaos together.” Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers September 27 2017 Season Premiere Recap | Barry's Reality Blog - September 28, 2017

    […] a nurse practitioner, tells us “Cole is Tarzan.” And no, she’s not talking about the buffoon from Survivor One World, thank goodness, but rather comparing Cole’s ripped physique to that of the fictional […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: