Bachelor Pad 3 Season Finale: Revenge of the Nerd

12 Sep

It’s a familiar scene from a thriller or murder mystery: the killer, a nondescript type whom nobody suspected, is exposed, and he goes on a wild-eyed, cackling rant about how nobody gave him any respect and how he’s getting the last laugh.

The same thing just happened on the amazing finale of Bachelor Pad. Who saw this coming at the end of a pretty boring season (I am skipping over the second-to-last episode, as the highlights looked so boring I skipped it entirely)?

Most of this finale was fairly boring too, or at least predictable, with Chris Harrison bringing up every single source of conflict or awkward moment, at which point the producers would cut to two girlfriends in the audience exchanging knowing looks. Blakeley was one of the people in the spotlight, and it turns out that Tony the chump lumber executive is still into her. So much so that they announce they’re moving in together. So much so that Tony proceeds to pop the question, but only after an INTERMINABLE preface to that key moment. He kneels and opens a little case to reveal a radiant, shimmering… Neil Lane logo (and a ring as well). No doubt the producers made sure the logo was well lit in return for a “promotional consideration.”

Then we come to Rachel. I believe I was impressed on her Bachelor season with how mature, classy, and self-possessed she seemed. Boy was I wrong. Then again I thought the same initially about psycho Jamie. Anyway, Rachel is a basket case because of Michael’s unconscionable crime… of realizing he didn’t feel that strongly about Rachel after dating her for about one week. “You were so into me,” she says. She says he said “I haven’t felt this way since my last relationship.” (To me that statement doesn’t seem to be going very far out on a limb.) Also, he told Rachel he didn’t want a long-distance relationship with her, then proceeded to have a long-distance relationship with someone else. My expert analysis: he liked that other person more. If you’re just joining us you might think Rachel was 14 based on all of this. She’s 27.

Nick and Rachel end up as the final two. You may recall the gimmick is that each then secretly chooses to “share” or “keep” the $250,000 prize. If both pick share, each receives $125,000. If one picks keep and the other picks share, the “keep” person gets all $250,000. But if both pick “keep,” both go away empty-handed and the money is divvied up among the rest of the cast. When both went to their deliberation rooms there were some fairly hilarious shots of both doing their best “pensive” looks, no doubt at the producers’ urging.

Rachel picked share and Nick picked “keep”… and the crowd answered with thunderous applause! Perhaps the gals in the audience thought Rachel was overdramatizing as well.

Nick provided zero entertainment value the entire season (and just as little on Ashley’s Bachelorette season), but he sure made up for it here. Wow.

That wraps up the season, but this blog post has meant a lot to me. In fact, I haven’t felt this way since… my last blog post.

 

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