Suggestions for cast of the next Survivor all-star season

6 Dec

Presumably there will be another full or partial all-star season at some point, so I thought I’d beat Mark Burnett & Co. to the punch with some casting ideas.

I expected to spend a few minutes pondering and then quickly put together a list of 18 former players I’d love to see again, in a handy 9-on-9 “heroes and villains” format.

Guess what: it’s a tougher task than I first thought. Especially if you rule out anyone who has already been brought back once. I know that some decry the fact that certain players have come back for a third or even a fourth time, but you know what, Russells, Amandas and Robs don’t grow on trees. It’s easier to think of good players than it is to think of memorable and entertaining players.

Also, some characters who more or less dominated their seasons were fun to watch, but I wouldn’t want to watch them again: Philip (whack job from Redemption Island), Brandon Hantz (who has three crises of faith before breakfast), Cochran (paranoid overanalyzer), and Colton (don’t get me started) to name four.

I also ruled out any celebrities, even ones I loved like Gary Hogeboom and Jimmy Johnson.

So the best I could do was come up with five heroes and five villains to bring back. Here they are.

Villains

Shane (Exile Island). Some villains are just misunderstood more than anything. Not Shane. This guy is just a prick. I absolutely hated him, so he’s perfect to head up the villains’ team.

Brenda (Nicaragua). Aptly named the Mamba Snake by Marty, she’s a really good player who definitely isn’t above using her amazing looks to get ahead (just ask Chase the ex-football player).

Jane (Nicaragua). Country-strong and really pretty frightening. If they find bodies buried in Jane’s backyard one day I would not be shocked.

Kristina (Redemption Island). Breezed into that season with her type-A power game, but ran afoul of Boston Rob who quickly disposed of her. I saw enough villain potential to advocate her return.

Matt (One World). This was the stud (in his own mind) who stuck around long enough to espouse his Darwinian philosophies about life. His tribe promptly voted him out, but I think he could be a good and entertaining player.

Heroes

Ace (Gabon). Athletic enough and always quick with a quip, plus you never quite knew whether his British accent was fake or not.

Monica (One World). The wife of ex-NFL player Brad Culpepper and quite the athlete in her own right. A good, energetic player.

Chelsea (One World). Cute, athletic, and had an interesting face that showed whatever inner conflict she was wrestling with (rather than vocalizing it ad nauseam like Lisa Whelchel).

R. C. (Philippines). Great personality , and we know Survivor’s cameramen loved her body. Showed ultra-bad judgment in casting her lot with Abi-Maria and never recovered, but seemed like she could be a really good player.

Marty (Nicaragua). An excellent player as long as he’s not around Jimmy Johnson, who he was obsessed with voting out for no reason. A quotable type sort of like Jonathan Penner. You might think it odd that I’ve picked three players from Nicaragua, that stinker of a season, but as discussed previously, that dud season actually had great characters.

So given those ten returnees, are you ready to tune in yet? Pretty underwhelming, huh? Well, I’m sure Parvati, Ozzy, Coach, and Russell would be available…

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