It’s not you, it’s me… actually, it’s him. The Bachelor February 18 2013 recap

18 Feb

Time for trips to all four remaining contestants’ hometowns, presented in reverse order of drama. I don’t believe for a second that they really took place in the order shown, as that would require going from Houston to Seattle, then back to Missouri before going back to Los Angeles (?).

Anyway, we begin in Houston with AshLee, or as Tierra dismissively called the 32-year-old, “the cougar” (perhaps that was just a nod to the sports teams at U of H?). AshLee and Sean enjoy a picnic, and what more romantic spot for a picnic is there than…. a vacant lot in some neighborhood? Anyway, it turns out both of their fathers are pastors, and Sean’s visit turns out to be a low-drama affair, which is why it takes up just 18 minutes of the 2-hour show.

On to Seattle, where Sean meets Catherine at the famous Pike Place Market. There’s a booth where guys yell crazy things as they throw fish around, and Catherine loves the idea of joining in the fish-tossing… as long as Sean is the one doing it. When she is put on the spot to try herself, she half-asses it. When the two take a break thereafter, the question of Catherine’s ethnicity is clarified to the viewers: she’s Filipino. We go to her mother’s house and get to know Catherine’s older sisters, who are very hot and say “like” just as much as Catherine does. The food being dished up looks delicious too.

For Lindsay’s date it’s off to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Sean ends up doing pushups before the date is done… between this season and The Bachelorette, ths guy has done enough pushups to put Jack Lalanne to shame! Sean is a bit nervous about meeting Lindsay’s father, the two-star general (and yes, a two-star general is the same thing as a major general).  But not only is Pops a seriously affable dude, he is even fairly quick to give his blessing to a possible marriage!

OK, now it’s time for the visit to Desiree in LA. No sooner is she showing Sean around her pad than there’s a knock on the door and a jerky guy shows up wanting to speak to Des. Obviously an ex-boyfriend, he tells Des he loves her, and he’s fairly rude to Sean. “Now that he’s here I do have to tell you something,” Des sez. As we cut to commercial I smelled a rat and I’ll tell you why: no way there’s a dramatic confrontational moment that hasn’t been plugged in promo after promo. When we’re back from the break, Des fesses up: it’s a prank and the douchebag is actually an actor. Smiles all around.

Then it’s time to meet the parents and brother Nate, he of the tatted-up hands and 99-cent haircut. Nate pulls Sean aside in the middle of dinner and says how he really feels: Des may be in love, but Sean’s not reciprocating. “I think you’re just a playboy,” Nate says. When they get back to the table the tension is thick, the evening is ruined, and Des’ tears are flowing.

Now, Nate seems like an awful guy, but I picked Desiree to win this thing right from the start, and haven’t changed my mind that she seems to have the most chemistry with Sean. I would even say it’s by a wide margin…  I just can’t see him with AshLee, Lindsay, or Catherine. But when Sean talks to Chris before the rose ceremony, he admits either Catherine (who he thinks may be a bit too free-spirited) or Des will be going home.

Time for the most dramatic rose ceremony…ever.

Just before Sean hands out the first rose, Desiree asks to speak to him in private. She apologizes for Nate’s behavior the previous night. Sean goes back in and hands out two roses to AshLee and Lindsay, but then he has to leave and go ponder some more. You can almost see the thought balloon above his head: having to buy Nate a gift every Christmas… Nate looking on disapprovingly when he carves the Thanksgiving turkey… heck, maybe even Nate poisoning the roots of the trees he plants on Arbor Day. He can’t take it, and Desiree is the one sent home. She says he’s making a mistake and I think I agree.

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