Hashtag heartbreak: The Bachelor February 25 2013 recap

26 Feb

In the midst of the romantic Thailand dates on this episode, the producers felt the need to put a bunch of tweets about “The Bachelor” on-screen. I really hate to say it but… these tweets really were more interesting than the dates! A very bad sign.

This week Sean was down to the final three, which means it’s the “fantasy suite” week in which each girl can choose to forgo her individual room to spend the night as a couple in the fantasy suite. My pre-show thought was that Catherine and Lindsay were dead-solid locks to choose the fantasy suite, and I put AshLee’s chances at about 95%.

Lindsay the general’s daughter got the first date, which started with a golf-cart-like vehicle called a sambo (???) pulling up. And not just any sambo but one with a camera mounted inside the roof. She and Sean stroll through a market. Sean decides it’s a good time to make Lindsay confront her greatest fear and eat a dead bug. Is Sean a bit of a sadist? Then the two of them go to a beach where a bunch of monkeys come up and swipe food out of their hands. This part was incredibly entertaining, they should make this into its own show. Or maybe even its own channel? Less entertainingly, Lindsay says yes to the fantasy suite. (A blogger named Jen Frase has said before that every time there’s a fantasy suite she pictures Chris Harrison under the bed masturbating.)

AshLee’s turn. Yet again, instead of just taking his gal to dinner and a movie, Sean gets his jollies by making her confront one of her greatest fears. They have to swim through a dark, scary, and very cramped cave (aided only by an inner tube that has a light and a camera on it). They come out in a spectacular cove that looks like Scaramanga’s hideout in “The Man With the Golden Gun.” Later at the romantic dinner, the topic of the fantasy suite draws ever nearer, and Sean tells the camera,”What I would love is to stay up all night with her, just talking.” Fathers everywhere are shuddering at the thought of their daughters falling for that line. Soon thereafter we see the best tweet of the night: “The Fantasy Suite is the combine before the draft.” AshLee says yes to the fantasy suite, but also gives Sean info on what kind of ring she would want and what her ring size is. It’s a shame she didn’t say her favorite jeweler is Neil Lane, since that’s what Bachelor gals get regardless.

Catherine gets the third date, and mentions a couple of times that this hunk is out of her league. Sean apparently remembered at this point that he was on The Bachelor, not Fear Factor, and didn’t put Catherine through anything more than some splashing around in the water and good conversation. You’ll recall Catherine is the one who told him “I like the beef” at one of their first conversations, so unsurprisingly she’s 100% up for the fantasy suite.

Three dates down, yet the show is 37 minutes from being over. How to pass the time? Well, a Chris Harrison-hosted infomercial for the new Oz movie accounts for part of that. Finally we get to the rose ceremony. The first rose goes to Lindsay (who surely will be the winner now) and… Catherine. And AshLee is more mad than sad. She tells Sean “just stay here” as she heads for the exit van. Finally she agrees to listen to his explanations for a minute, but she just wants out of there. A very sad moment, but I have to say I did not see much chemistry between her and Sean at any point.

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