The Women Tell All: The Bachelor March 4 2013 recap

4 Mar

Hey readers: remember when you told me this wasn’t just the best blog about reality TV, but the best website on the entire Internet? And that you would gladly pay hundreds of dollars per blog entry if it were a pay site? Wait, how can you say you never said that? You’re making me look like I’m making things up. Readers, come on! You said it. You really did. I heard you. How can you say you didn’t? I triple guarantee you.

Yes, that was my nod to AshLee’s antics on this show. But let’s take it from the top. A bevy of beauties is on hand, but I must say 80% of them are long since forgotten which means the camera is usually on Lesley. Not that I will complain about that for one single second. When it’s not on Lesley it’s on Chris, and partially on the first row of spectators in which sits a lady in pink who has epically huge boobs. Either she gets cast for next season or at the very least, the producers are hiring her tailor.

In the early going not much happens, so the subject of Tierra is brought up fairly quickly. Brooke (the black community organizer) tells the girls that they’re just bitter that they didn’t have the idea of faking injuries to gain attention the way Tierra did. We go to commercial with the promise that Tierra will be out to be interviewed next. We come back from commercial and see … some stagehand briefing Tierra on how to walk to the couch? This was a new “behind the curtain” twist that hadn’t been used before. Tierra comes out, and if you want to know what polite applause sounds like, you should listen to those few seconds. She is her same old self: “When I walk into a room I bring this joy,” etc. etc. But guess what, she’s engaged, to an old flame she reconnected with.

Thereafter, Sarah (one arm) and Desiree (Katie Holmes-type with the trailer park brother) get their moments on the couch… or are these their auditions to be the next Bachelorette? AshLee gets her turn as well.

Now Sean comes out and AshLee returns to the couch. This is the woman who didn’t want to say a word to him when she didn’t get a rose. Now she wants answers about what happened. As Kacie who is sitting in the second row knows, this conversation cannot go well, because there is an obvious answer: the guy liked someone else more. Sean answers this as diplomatically as possible, but now AshLee wants to take him to task for not calling her later to check on her. Ummm, AshLee, you’re the one who didn’t want to talk at all when he was begging to explain himself, right? And gave him the ultra-evil eye when you didn’t get a rose? Even the crowd of sympathetic women doesn’t think much of AshLee’s idea.

So now AshLee tries a Hail Mary pass: “Why did you say you had absolutely no feelings for them?” [meaning Catherine and Lindsay]. Cut to some women in the crowd who think this makes the Dreyfus affair look inconsequential.

Sean says he never said anything of the sort, so AshLee regroups and says what he actually said was “There’s absolutely nothing between those two.” Of course the latter sentence makes no sense, and why would Sean say the former? At the very least Lindsay and Catherine were 2 of his top 3 favorites of 20-plus beautiful women. AshLee keeps insisting he said it. It reminds me of the early-70s song “Don’t Say You Don’t Remember” (which AshLee may well be old enough to remember, zing!). Sean very politely denies he said any such thing. It’s silent in the studio and many a pin can be heard to drop. Commercial. Then as we come back (once again before anyone says “Action”) and stagehands bustle about, we see that Sean and AshLee are still discussing this amongst themselves, with her saying 10 more times that he said it. Chris asks for a final word and Sean diplomatically says that if any other thing he said hurt AshLee he’s sorry. No doubt he’s congratulating himself on his decision now that we see how psycho AshLee is.

After all of this not much else happens except that Sean exchanges some words with Desiree as well. She was my pick to win, of course, and I still think he has more chemistry with her than with the two finalists. Damn you, redneck brother!





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