The Men Tell Little: The Bachelorette July 22 2013 recap

23 Jul

It’s time for these confrontation-shy guys (yeah, right) to tell all in front of a studio audience. But first, Chris Harrison shows scenes of himself and Desiree crashing some Bachelorette-watching parties. Obviously ever girl in America wants to hug Desiree, and I have to say, seeing Des next to a bunch of regular Janes, you can understand why all of these guys are so gaga over her. But since Des can only cover part of the USA, we also see some New York viewing party-crashing ably handled by none other than Ashley and J.P. The new Mrs. Rosenbaum is all smiles and having a per-FACT time, and I have to admit J.P. is growing on me a bit.

I do ask myself how Harrison and Co. know where Bachelorette viewing parties are going on. The women at them are so well-dressed, and turning out in such numbers (a group of 30?) that I suspect some pre-arrangement is going on here. Shocking for reality TV, I know.

Before we get to the action, it’s time for Des to get some tips from her predecessors Ali, Ashley, and Emily (note to Desiree: only one of the three is still with the man she chose, so you might want to listen to her more than the others).

OK, time for a real man, a man’s man. No, not the idiots on this show, I mean Sonny Corinthos from General Hospital who has an entire 30-second commercial devoted to him. I love Sonny.

Finally Chris sits down with the eliminated contestants, including some very unfamiliar faces. I believe the only one missing is Brian, whom Chris chides for passing up the chance to be there. Hmm, how come Brian didn’t want to be ambushed on national television and called a despicable liar a second time, despite there being zero upside in doing so? Weird.

The most shocking revelation of the night comes from Dan, the beverage sales guy who looks like a young Jeff Probst. He mentions that the mother of Ben’s son approached Dan in Las Vegas with some revelations that Ben is not much of a father. Cue gasps and astonished looks from a crowd that, unusually, includes a few men and even a gray-haired granny type.

James and Mikey and their supposed “tall beautiful women with a lot of money” conversation is discussed ad nauseam, the one saving grace being that Drew is still a contestant on the show so only Kasey is on hand to provide sanctimonious blather.

Finally, Zak is up, and Desiree exchanges a few words with him. He wants closure, which is a terrible idea. Younger guys out there, listen up: don’t ask a woman for closure. What happened is that she either liked someone else more or just decided she didn’t like you. Making her spell it out will not make you feel better. Anyway, Zak whips out a guitar and sings a little song he wrote about the whole matter. One lone woman (in the audience of a thousand) cries, so the camera zooms in on her.

At the end, Harrison announces we are heading for the most emotionally intense finale… ever. So much so that they had to stretch it over not two but four hours. Groan.


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