Archive | August, 2013

Don’t propose, I have a speech to make: The Bachelorette Finale recap August 5 2013

6 Aug

Desiree has been crying nonstop for quite some time, and who’s the last person you want to see in that situation? Right, a reality TV host who will ask piercing questions scientifically designed to get you crying some more. Chris Harrison doesn’t disappoint (himself) in that regard. Once the situation with the since-departed Brooks (who realized he didn’t love Desiree enough to propose) has been talked through, Harrison asks about the two remaining guys, Drew and Chris. The best Desiree can say is that she’s comfortable with Chris and that Drew is the sweetest. Faint praise indeed.

There’s a rose ceremony that features Des handing the two roses to Drew and Chris, in tears over the fact that another guy, Brooks, isn’t there.

Cut to a live studio audience full of well-dressed gals who have strong opinions on all of this… or at least well-dressed gals hoping to be cast on the next season. Harrison interviews a few of them… after all, there are not just two, but three hours to kill tonight.

Time for Drew’s beach date with a very scantily clad Desiree. They plop down on the beach and Drew quickly gets to the point, telling her he’s madly in love. Her reaction: “I really need to talk to you… especially after that.” Ouch. Not much doubt about what’s coming next. Drew takes it like a man and says goodbye in very short order.

This being the “final two,” it’s time for Chris, the one remaining guy, to meet Desiree’s family, including her infamous brother Nate whose tattoos are even more hideous than I remembered. Even Nate’s strident cross-examining can’t find much of a weakness in Chris. Then after the former minor-league pitcher is gone, Des and Nate sit down for a heart-to-heart, though I suspect it’s a producer-mandated heart-to-heart, as the expression on her face says that she can’t stand him.

You know things are getting serious when the unctuous Neil Lane knocks on your door. Chris picks out a ring and before you know it he’s heading toward the altar. He somewhat nervously tells Des how much he loves her, and then begins to go to one knee… but Des tells him to stay on his feet! Is she sending him packing? No, she has a long speech of her own that she just had to get in there before he popped the question. Weird. When that has been dispensed with, she does say yes, taking us to a flashback montage. Somehow this is all spun as a huge upset, even though it was clear to me some weeks ago that Chris was the guy she had the most chemistry with. It’s all in the blog, reader, keep scrolling down if you don’t believe me.

Cue the hour-long “After The Final Rose,” which began with Harrison spinning this season as one of the most dramatic… ever. Sorry, that is a stretch that I can’t see even the season’s most fervent supporters (if such a thing exists) agreeing with.

My own fiancee, watching this, summed up the whole season aptly:  “The word love gets thrown around awfully easily on this show.”