“You’ve got class, but…” The Bachelor January 27 2014 recap

27 Jan

There are 13 women left, and Chris Harrison announces that all of them will be traveling to … Seoul! The gals are not just excited, they start shrieking like it’s 1964 and they just saw the Beatles.

We next see them at the airport, where each gal is pushing a cart with an average of four enormous suitcases!

Juan Pablo says the first date is going to involve “gay pub.” It turns out that’s his way of saying K-Pop, i.e. Korean pop. The plan for the date is for everyone to learn some dance moves and then be backup dancers for the performance of a group called 21. A performance at a mall, mind you, but still, the gals feel pressure to perform on the dance floor. For some reason Kat the medical sales rep thinks she has this in the bag, despite the presence of Cassandra, who is a professional dancer and much more graceful. Hmm, turns out Kat is on the Phoenix Suns dance team in her spare time (while Cassandra danced for the Detroit Pistons, your intrepid reporter has discovered).

Nikki the pediatric nurse observes all of this and decides she wishes Kat would just stay in Korea for a permanent gig with 21. While the other girls don’t seem to love Kat, they are also annoyed by Nikki and her negativity, and boy do we see a lot of the latter this week. Elise goes on record as saying that if she were a mother she wouldn’t want Nikki around her child (Elise is pretty much declaring all of the others to be unsuitable mothers, one by one).

Back at the hotel suite, the date card is read out by Kelly, whose dog apparently didn’t make the trip. They are in Korea now, so maybe she thought someone might try to make a meal of her little pooch? Anyway, the only solo date of the episode goes to cool-as-a-cucumber Sharleen, the opera singer. Juan Pablo wants to hear her singing but she says she doesn’t do it on a first date. Finally she does sing for a moment , and sounds like …. a professional opera singer! Sharleen makes her strongest statement yet, saying “There is a shot that we could fall in love.” Talk about putting yourself out there! Later, Juan Pablo asks her how many children she wants to have. She fears that being honest will doom her chances, but does tell JP frankly that she hasn’t thought about kids much. JP has an odd expression on his face when she says this. He picks up the rose and says “You’ve got class, but (music swells with fake drama)… I appreciate your honesty.” He hands it over.

On the second group date, the gals first go to a weird private karaoke house, then to a place where they dangle their feet in a little pool of fish, and the fish swim over to eat dead skin off of the gals’ feet. Yuck! The other girls are somewhat annoyed by Clare’s act here, even more so when they go to a market and Juan Pablo hands each of them a tiny piece of octopus to eat. Clare freaks out. Now, this is not exactly on a par with a “Survivor” eating challenge where you need to eat bird fetuses or hideous live worms. As Alli the nanny point out, you can get octopus at every Italian restaurant in Chicago. Clare eats the tiny piece and commences a major martyr act.

An aside: Alli the nanny and Andi the district attorney are extremely difficult to tell apart. It’s reminiscent of the Ben and Constantine confusion of a couple of years ago.

At the afterparty, Lauren the composer from Austin decides it’s time to get out of the friend zone, and wants to start her solo time with JP by getting a kiss. Alas, he balks, saying he wants to be a good role model for his daughter. I’m not sure what happened to that philosophy the other 10 times he has kissed a girl this season. Anyway, as soon as she leaves him she starts bawling.

The rose ceremony takes place at a spectacular palace, and in the most shocking rose ceremony development ever, different music is played from the music played each and every week! That’s no consolation to Lauren or to buxom Elise, who do not get roses and have to take the 12-hour flight home. Elise puts on a brave face for the most part, while Lauren looks like she’s going to throw up through the whole ceremony.

So who is actually the favorite to win this thing? I have to say  don’t see anyone having all that much chemistry with Juan Pablo so far. But if you insist on my picking a favorite I guess I have to go with negative Nikki.


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