This Geyser’s In Love With You: The Bachelor February 10 2014 recap

11 Feb

Juan Pablo and the gals arrive in New Zealand to continue their “journeys.” America breathes a sigh of relief as we are spared Chris Harrison running down the rules of the game as he does on a near-weekly basis.

The first date goes to Andi the assistant district attorney, who’s the only one left who hasn’t yet had a one-on-one date. She and JP settle in for a boat ride that’s relatively uneventful, until the driver heads for some mysterious foliage. JP announces it’s time to strip down for a swim. And folks, having seen the DA in her bathing suit, I think I can say with a fair degree of certainty that Andi works out. Wow. It turns out that some semi-submerged caves are hidden behind that foliage, and the couple goes through some scenery suitable for “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” Well, at the very least “Romancing The Stone.”

After all of that fun, they settle in for dinner right near a geyser. And — surprise! — the geyser blows. The symbolism of all of this is not lost on JP and Andi. And neither is the fact that they are now drenched.

The group date likewise gets off to a ho-hum start with picnic on a hillside (and, as the “deleted scenes” played during the credits show, a chance for JP and the girls to toss animal turds at one another). But things soon get interesting as they head over to the hilltop to find 10-foot-tall transparent plastic balls which people can get into to roll down the hill. These really look like fun, and what’s also fun is that the dress code is swimwear. Nikki wearing a bikini could almost be an hour-long show in and of itself. I doubt JP disagrees, since he gets in more than a few besitos with the pediatric nurse en route to the bottom of the hill.

The afterparty is in a Lord of the Rings-themed park. JP seems as interested in that as he is in talking with Sharleen (though he shows considerable interest in locking lips with Sharleen). Meanwhile, Cassandra has mentioned at least five times that this is her birthday, and the girls even sing her an odd song of the kind  a Roger Ebert book once dubbed “Jolly Bornday.”

Jolly Bornday. Any obviously concocted song sung during a birthday party scene, chosen so the producers can avoid paying the royalty fees for “Happy Birthday.”

Anyway, Cassandra has a heart-to-heart with JP, and badly wants the rose. While at the same time, Renee… badly wants Cassandra to get the rose? I take that as Renee’s admission to herself that she will not be the winner of this season. The rose actually goes to Sharleen, and JP immediately takes Cassandra aside. He explains that he couldn’t bear to have her be away from her son a day longer than necessary, so this is adios. Cue some crying by Cassandra… but also some by Sharleen!

The other one-on-one date (the second one for Clare) is uneventful except at one point when they cut to commercial and for just one second we see an odd shot of the sun blanketing the landscape. It looks like an outtake from one of those “day after a nuclear holocaust”-type movies. Weird!

At the cocktail party everyone is quite glum. Three girls have roses, and somehow everyone senses that the person sent home will not be Nikki (because her connection to JP seems so strong) or Renee (he couldn’t have sent Cassandra packing yet kept a different mother away from her child at the same time). So Chelsie and Kat know it will be one of them, and Kat is shown the door.




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